Saturday i bought twenty sunflowers for Conny’s grave. I can tell you that it is pretty hard work to carry those on one arme while cycling. But it is really nice to be able to see where she is from a distance. But i i have to admit that Conny’s grave is a bit out of tune with her neighbours.

It gets worse when you are standing right next to it. I’m not sure if the gentleman who is responsible for keeping the cemetery tidy will be happy with how i am taking care of this grave. I would not blame people if they would think that Pippi Longstocking was buried here. That would be kind of cool too, since Conny loved the Pippi series as a kid.

This is a picture of the Amsterdam Gate. It is called the Amsterdam Gate because when you walk through it and keep walking for about fifteen miles, you will end up in Amsterdam. Makes sense, does it not?

I had to be here for a little bit of social counseling that took place in a building right next to the gate. It did not take long, since i already had made an appointment with a psychlogist in the end of the month. Both the couselor and i decided that that should be more than enough to watch over my sanity.

The councelour did invite me to join a supportgroup of fellow widowers (that is the English word for male widow i hope. I don’t want to say something morbid by accident), which would start meeting next October. She did wonder if October would be too soon for me. Now, that freaked me out. What kind of guilt ridden depressions are still lying ahead of me? I really don’t mind to suddenly cry like an idiot in the supermarket when i hear a song like “Just call my name, i’ll be there”. What scares me is to get into a deep depression, not be able to sleep without taking pills or enormous amounts of alcohol. I’ve seen it first hand with my dad, that kind of misery literally kills people.

Thankfully i’m damn lucky to have friends. One of them pointed me in a direction that i would have never have taken if the circumstances were different. I could explain what, but you probably would think i lost my mind. It does not involve anything illegal, doing drugs or joining a sect, but it does involve faith. Not religion, faith.

And who is also been helping me out is Robert Llewllyn. His video blog llewtube has kept me entertained for the last two evenings. It’s fantastic if you can listen to someone talking about life on this planet like he can. And what an eyeopener it is to realize how much it helps to hear someone yapping about mundane stuff like windmills, good potatoes and trying to get through a year without buying new stuff. Thanks Robert.

PS: When i say it is mundane, i don’t mean mundane compared with pitiful me. It is however mundane compared to anyone who lead lives where food, water and proper sanitation are not something that speaks for itself. People who moan that they don’t have enough money to buy the latest iPod, are so damn lucky.  Robert knows this and pointed  that  out many, many times in his video blogs.

The difference of wealth between Bill Gates and me is nothing compared with the difference of wealth between me and 80% of the rest of the world population. I am so damn lucky to be living in one of the fifteen richest countries in the world.

Today i found out that Robert has his very own channel on Youtube. So far i only have seen his last video, but i loved it. Not in the least on what he says about why we all aren’t driving electric cars yet.